I Won Something!

So last week I was listening to KCRW on the way home from work, and they started giving out tickets to a show called Mortified, which involves "everyday adults reading aloud their most embarrassing and REAL teenage diary entries, poems, letters, lyrics and locker notes… in front of total strangers." So I called in, and after a couple tries with busy signals, I got through!  Except that in order to win something from KCRW you have to be a member, and I lost my membership card like the first second I got it, if I ever even did get it, so the radio dude got my name and put me on hold saying "I'm going to put you on hold, so have your member number ready," but I was in the car! But very close to home!  But I didn't even know where my card was, if it was at home!  So I started saying, "Ohhhh, Keep me on hold! Keep me on hold!"  (Probably the only time that phrase has ever been used in history and the last time it ever will).  And he did keep me on hold for a few minutes, but not quite long enough!  So when he came back I was like, "OHH, I'm in the car, but I'm almost home and I don't have my card! Can you put me back on hold?"  (Again, words that have never been uttered and never will be again). And he said he'd call me back, so I raced home, ran upstairs to my room and proceeded to tear it apart like a rabid wolf searching for food or fresh blood or whatever rabid wolves are likely to search for.  And I didn't find the card, but once my room was torn apart from corner to corner and everything that had previously been "put away" was now "scattered about in the middle of the floor," I found something KCRW had mailed me, a program of upcoming events, and it had my member number on it!  And the guy called me back, and I gave him the number, and all was right in the world! And I won the tickets!  And the best part is, I went last night and took Jeff with me, and it was AWESOME.  It started with a play called Material Girls, about two 8th-grade best friends, which was brilliant and terrifying in that I completely saw myself (more like my sixth-grade self) in the characters.  And then came the part where people read their embarrassing stuff outloud, and they were so funny that I was laughing so hard tears were pouring out my eyes, and my abs were burning!  It was unbelievable!  There's one more show tonight in LA, and then they go to New York (with different everyday people reading their stuff).  Y'all should go!


I once also won a fleece vest from the UNC student store for guessing the weight of a giant pumpkin.  I just figured it weighed a little more than me, so I added 20lb. or so to my weight, guessed, and won!  The vest happened to be a men's XL (uh… thanks, guys), but I gave it to my dad and he loved it.



  1. 1
    Amanda Keith Says:

    Awesome dude. Things I have won: a tv from a bowling alley, a rocking horse when I was a teenager, and a cd player. Great thinking really.

  2. 2
    Eric Says:

    I won a swimming race once. 50m breaststroke. It was the only ribbon I won during my hellish year on the swim team. I was 10. The ribbon said “Eric Ling. Heat Winner 50m Breaststroke. Age 7-8.”

    I was in the wrong heat. But I still kicked those kid’s asses.

  3. 3
    Coble Says:

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