Babies vs. Puppies

This is it.  The most pressing question of all time:  Which is cuter: Babies or Puppies? Personally, I tend to go back and forth, but have historically leaned toward puppies.  When I see an extra cute puppy, for example, my voice involuntarily rises approximately two octaves, and squeaking sounds emit from my throat that are so high-pitched, only said puppy can hear them.  This does not usually happen with babies to such an extent.  However, as soon as I'm confident about puppies' spot in first place, along comes an extra-cute baby to make me re-think things.  So, I've decided to let you, the Internet, help me decide.  I present here several pieces of evidence, from both sides of the argument. 

 First, I present to you Exhibit A:  Willie.  Willie is Jeff's little sister Sage's dog, and… well, I think the evidence speaks for itself:


OK. Pretty cute, right?  That's one for the puppies.  But… and I have to say, this next picture is going to put babies in a clear lead.  Here it comes… May I present: Gareth!

 LittleTiger 005_small.jpg

On cue now: "Awwwwwwww!" Gareth is my co-workers Julie & Cliff's baby — the one I bought an adorable dress for when I thought he was going to be a girl.  Julie brings him around every morning when she leaves work and Cliff arrives, and each day I try to trick her into leaving without him so I can play with him all day. "Quick! Julie, Fire Alarm! Save yourself; I'll take the baby.  You don't hear anything?  Weird.  Anyway, RUN! RUN!" or "Gareth?  Um, Nooooo, this is my baby.  I brought him today.  What's that?  Looks a lot like Gareth?  Yes, that is quite a coincidence, isn't it?  Oh, I think I may have seen your baby out in your car, or at your house.  Maybe you should go look there.  You really shouldn't leave a baby alone — you should know that, Julie.  Hurry up, now, Go!"

It has yet to work, but I am far from giving up.

So: It's one to one.  Puppies and babies are neck and neck. 

Ladies and Gentlemen: Professor Chips. 


P. Chips is the English Bulldog puppy Jeff had for two days before the breeder called crying, wanting him back because she had fallen in love with him.  Because he is the cutest creature ever to have walked the earth.  Damn.  Looking back, I realize it was probably a good thing Jeff gave him back, for both of us.  Not only was Prof. Chips the biggest cock-blocker ever ("Jeff who?  GIIIIVVE MEEEEE PUUUPPPPYYYYYYY"), he was so soft and cute he literally gave me a headache.  So… Puppies again take the lead.  But…. wait until you get a load of this:


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  My ovaries are exploding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must begin procreating NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The world needs more cute things like this!  I must gobble her up!  I must consume this baby at once, with butter and a glass of milk! 

Ah… pant, pant, leaning against wall for support, catching breath…. ahem… OK, this is Elanor, the daughter of my lovely friend Joanna.  Elanor is one baby who can give Professor Chips a damn good run for his money.  Can you even picture this baby and that puppy in the same room together?  I can't.  I think Earth would be sucked into a black hole, there would be such a concentration of cuteness in one area, and the imbalance would cause the end of the universe and all matter.  So basically we have concluded… nothing.  Babies and puppies are still tied.  They're two for two. 


It looks as though for the time being, at least, babies outshine puppies.  Click on this link here and crank up the sound.  And don't say I didn't warn you.

Case closed…. for now.



  1. 1
    Virginia Says:

    Babies – totally babies!

  2. 2
    atkeith Says:

    Close call but I’m going to have to disagree, puppies win in my book and here’s why:
    Puppies don’t haver to go to college
    Puppies don’t become teenagers
    Puppies potty train quicker and you never have to wipe
    Well, I don’t know…Elanor sure is cute……

  3. 3

    OMG…you must–absolutely MUST–visit Dogster ( They have cute doggy pictures every day!!! I actually was thinking of you, when I saw the most adorable picture of a puppy named “Gizmo”. (None as cute as prof. chips, of course, who I hope bites that evil breeder every time she tries to stroke his velveteen ears!…I’m still bitter about that, can you tell?)

  4. 4
    Wan Says:

    giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrllllllll, i have to say, best post ever. and i vote puppies. puppies have lots of soft fur and those widdle bitty paws that make the little squooshy wooshy and the cutey patootie with the widdle bittle iddle ickle itty monkey cute cute. and they look at you like they love you, even if dogs are or aren’t capable of the human “love” emotion. okay, i have to go soak my head. mr. chips gave me a headache.

  5. 5
    joanna Says:

    ok, well, seeing as i am the mother of that unbelievably adorable, ice cream devouring baby girl, i have to cast my vote: babies. after they potty train and get out of teenager-hood and graduate from college…they’re still here! and when i’m old and grey and shrivled and surrounded by my kids and their kids and talking with that baby girl like a real, adult friend (because that’s suddenly what she’d become!), i won’t even remember my dead dog’s name, except to recall how wonderfully he’s fertilizing the flowers i planted with elanor and evelyn…as we swing in the hammock in the backyard and recall conversations we’ve had, from “mommie, see doggie? yook! yook!” (translation: “look, look”), to conversations about how much Jesus loves her, to conversations about that boy who makes her feel all funny inside, to conversations about where she should go to college, about marriage, about how she can ever survive the tantrums her toddler throws…..
    ok, sorry that may be morbid about the whole “fertilizer” thing…but the spot where we buried moo-moo, our dead cat, is really undeniably, extrordinarily lush and green. 🙂
    wow! my first post! and…it’s really long…ok…ending now…
    ps i love you marcy. 🙂

  6. 6
    Regina Says:

    I can’t believe this!!! I was just googling the name “Professor Chips,” because it’s MY puppy’s name and I was trying to prove to my boyfriend that there could be an actual professor with the last name Chips. Imagine my surprise when I stumble upon someone who came up with the exact same, very unusual puppy name!

  7. 7
    Lisa Says:

    HAHAHA! you are too funny. I stumbled across this pic when I was looking up English Bulldogs. Keep posting!!!

  8. […] Valleywag has been forced to outsource to Professor Chips (above), winner of last year’s Babies vs Puppies showdown. After a week where the big stories were Larry Page planting one on new bride Lucy […]

  9. […] Valleywag has been forced to outsource to Professor Chips (above), winner of last year’s Babies vs Puppies showdown. After a week where the big stories were Larry Page planting one on new bride Lucy […]

  10. 10
    rachel Says:

    i vote puppies!!!

    prof. chips almost made me faint.

    babies are…. okay.
    but they smell worse and are pink and sticky.
    and they cry…. all th time
    but puppies are a furry bundle of wove.
    they cry but are not as loud and they are more pitiful because babies just want attention and sabotage everybody elses happiness
    ……puppies dont

  11. 11
    Caylee Says:

    i love the pictures you picked for your website ther asome!

  12. […] we all gwumpy today? Let Professor Chips soothe your angry angry […]

  13. 13
    libby Says:

    i have to say dogs i may not have one but i love everyone’s dogs i never care if they are mean(my parents do)i still love them to peices

  14. 14
    shanel Says:

    I say puppies prof.chips is so CUTE!!!!!!!I am selling a chocolate lab puppy so if anyone wants her email me

  15. 15
    bella Says:

    Puppies win by10000,00000,00000,00000,000000,0000!: ]

  16. 16
    Jim Stone Says:

    Puppies without a doubt.

  17. 17
    Ahmed the Dead Terrorist Says:

    PUPPIES HANDS DOWN! You kids will hate you. They can’t even protect you and will NEVER – mark my words- NEVER love you as much as your furry companion. All babies do is add un-needed population and poop, cry, vomit, stuff themselves, poop cry comit and so on…
    I dislike babies with passion, but puppies are surely the sweetest things. They don’t stretch you to rags and are very loyal. I remember when I used to go to the park, and feed this cute stray dog… He liked me so much, that when he saw another girl that looked like me he started running after her. And he always followed me around, and wanted to play ALL THE TIME. I simply loved that dog, more than I will love any baby.

  18. 18
    Ahmed the Dead Terrorist Says:

    Well, I mean they wouldn’t SURELY hate you, but many turn on their moms when they are teenagers.

  19. 19
    Riley Says:


    are not born with yellow vaginal goo all over them
    have wagging butts
    don’t require wiping, just newspapers and grass
    don’t cry on airplanes
    don’t cry in restaurants
    when they fart it’s cute
    can kiss from the moment they’re born ❤

  20. 20
    Zane Says:

    No, babies win. They live longer and, for god’s sake, it’s my own species! I think puppies are are way better than kittens, though.

  21. 21
    dan Says:

    Puppies 4 life babies suck I hate them

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