Debbie Downer Alert

Don't say I didn't warn you. 

A month or so ago I had in mind that around this time I would be posting a blog entry (blentry) entitled "YAY! I Am Awesome, and Have Great, Fun News!"  Unfortunately, today's post should perhaps be titled, "My Self-Esteem is Close to Being at an All-Time Low."

I signed up for that show on HGTV called "Design on a Dime." A woman came and filmed footage of our living room and my bedroom to show to producers to see if they wanted to redecorate one of those rooms.  And after waiting a month and a half, she called me today to tell me they decided to pass. I gave them two great choices. Both are great spaces and in need of a makeover. The living room is downright ridiculously decorated, being a hodgepodge of inherited and second-hand furniture, none of which matches anything else in the room.  However, the room itself has hardwood floors, huge sunny windows, and in general has more potential than a five-year-old who has memorized the periodic table.  The woman who came even said she thought it was a great space.  And parking was important to them, and I live on perhaps the biggest anomaly in LA: A street with bountiful, abundant, all-you-could-ever-want parking.  This leads me to one conclusion:

It was me.

In addition to filiming every corner of the rooms, she interviewed me saying what I'd like to change, what I liked and didn't like about the rooms, etc.  And I sucked.  I knew I probably wasn't smiling enough, wasn't articulate enough, and looked nervous and fidgety.  And after being rejected by a talent agency last summer for the pure and simple reason that they thought I looked bad on camera, and after being rejected by a manager because he said our meeting seemed "dry" — a.k.a. I have a boring personality, I feel dumb and ugly and stupid and boring. I know I'm not supposed to take these things personally.  I think in general I manage not to.  But after a while it's hard to keep being positive when the message you keep getting is "You aren't worth our time."




  1. 1
    Wan Says:

    NOOOO! How dare those people above think that you are a) a dry interview b) unfun and c) non-photogenic?!?!? I personally have some pictures of you where people say, that girl is SO pretty! Also, you are one of the most fun people to hang out with! DANG, I can’t believe it’s you. I refuse to believe it’s you. You rock!

  2. 2

    AW, thanks! You made me feel better. 🙂

  3. 3

    That smiley face in my last comment looks evil. All I did was the simple colon and parenthesy, but it gave me the evil grin. Oh well.

  4. 4
    Rachel Says:

    Froodle, if you ever talk like that again I’ll get all crazy and come down to LA and beat you! You are one of the most beautiful, smart, funny, witty, incredibly interesting people I know. If people don’t see that about you, then they are missing at least 3 of the 5 senses. At least. I mean, a person would have to be a complete vegetable to think you’re not all of the aforementioned attributes.

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