Archive for August 2005

Wha… ???

August 30, 2005

Last weekend was the second weekend of my August & September Travel-athon.  It works great because I get Mondays off, so long weekends are easy to plan.  This time I was in Charleston, South Carolina, with 5 of my girl friends from high school.  The weekend was fantastic — relaxing, fun, much eating, drinking, and merriment had by all.  But I think the most important thing for you to know is this:

Saturday after a delicious lunch (including fried green tomatoes, black-eyed pea fritters, and sweet tea! yay!) we were walking around in downtown Charleston, and encountered a middle-aged couple walking leisurely toward us.  My friend Elise stopped them as they approached and politely asked if they wouldn’t mind taking our picture.  The husband hesitatingly reached toward the camera, then suddenly got a pained expression on his face, pulled his hand back and said, "I’d rather not."

"You’d… rather not?" 

"I’d rather not."

And there it was.  The six of us stood without moving or breathing, our mouths hanging open, just staring at him with a mix of horror and fascination.  I looked from him to his wife, and she nodded in agreement.  They would rather not. 

They kept walking, and we kept standing there.  After about 10 stunned hours of open-mouthed, wide-eyed, eyebrows-raised silence, we slowly started moving forward; then at once we all burst out with questions.  Did that really just happen?  Has that ever happened before in Earth’s history?  Are we really in the South?  Aren’t people supposed to be friendly here?  Did that really just happen?  REALLY?  And most importantly, why???  We all agreed that times when people refuse to take pictures are rare, and when these rare instances do occur, the person always provides some sort of explanation.  Examples are: "Oh, sorry, I’m really in a hurry," or, "OH, you don’t want me to take that, I always ruin pictures.  I can’t take a good picture to save my life," or, "OH no, sorry, I’m really drunk."

But "I’d rather not?"  We tried to come up with possible scenarios to explain their behavior, but we just couldn’t.  The behavior is unexplainable.  It is an unsolved mystery.

Shortly after we walked away, I realized I should have snapped their picture, just to throw them off.  Why do my genius ideas always come a minute too late?

EW!

August 23, 2005

One of our clients just called my co-worker "hon."  Let it be known that I hate it when strangers call me pet names, especially "sweetheart."  If you are my relative, boyfriend, or good friend, you are welcome to call me whatever you want (with a few exceptions, of course).  If you don’t know me, don’t call me "hon." It is patronizing and barf-inducing. 

A Typical Workday Conversation

August 16, 2005

marcymint23 (5:15:36 PM): you know what i just remembered?

Erin2000 (5:15:49 PM): hm?

marcymint23 (5:15:50 PM): remember how cabbage patch kids came with names and adoption papers?

Erin2000 (5:15:57 PM): yes

marcymint23 (5:16:26 PM): i had a doll whose name was Meryl, which I didn’t like, so I actually got an official name change from the Cabbage Patch company with a name change certificate, etc. and chnaged her name to Marilyn.

Erin2000 (5:16:41 PM): shut the hell up.  that is HILARIOUS

marcymint23 (5:16:54 PM): can you believe that shit?  i took it so seriously.

Erin2000 (5:17:04 PM): HAHAHAHA

Erin2000 (5:17:11 PM): i can picture myself taking it super seriously too

marcymint23 (5:17:25 PM): there was also a pledge you were supposed to take when you got the doll. you held up your right hand and swore to take care of it, etc. in front of a witness, and i did that too!

Erin2000 (5:17:33 PM): i’m SURE i did that

This stuff really happens in real life!

August 5, 2005

So my sister, who lives in North Carolina, recently received in the mail a letter from her dentist.  Figuring it was some type of bill, she ignored it.  UNTIL, a friend of hers who goes to the same dentist asked if she had read it… indicating that she really should.  So she did.  And this is what it said (paraphrased very heavily).

Dear Patients,

I am becoming a woman.  I will henceforth be known not as Dr. David Suchandsuch, but as Dr. Carol Suchandsuch.

Sincerely,

Dr. Suchandsuch.

Can you believe it?  Mind you, the letter was much longer and went into much explanation as to the whys and whatnot, but the important thing is, next time my sister goes to the dentist, the dentist will no longer have a penis, but will instead have boobs.

I MUST HAVE THEM

August 4, 2005

Krispies Today I was so hungry that in the middle of some piece of work I was doing, I was forced to stop and write, "I need some Rice Krispy treats!!!" on a post-it note.  You can tell by the frantic handwriting and triple exclamation point that I meant business.  Honestly, I could not continue with what I was doing until I wrote that down, because the need was clawing at me, not allowing me to think, read, or talk about anything else.

You see, I haven’t eaten any wheat in nearly 2 weeks.  I know you’re thinking, "Rice Krispies don’t have wheat in them, and furthermore, what are you, crazy?  Not eating wheat?  And most importantly, why do I care?  Why am I reading this blog when there’s perfectly good TV on?"  Well, I can’t answer the last question, but I can say for the first two that I stopped eating wheat because 2 saturdays ago while at a pilates class, the instructor told me my stomach was probably poochy because I have a wheat intolerance.  Now, this is not the first time that I have considered that wheat and I may not be the best of friends, but never have I had such motivation as the possibility of getting rid of my poochy stomach, which has been poochy for as long as I can remember.  (I have also been eating wheat for as long as I remember.  COINCIDENCE????   Probably so.)  Anyway, so faced with this new opportunity I stopped eating it, and thereby stopped eating cookies, cake, and pretty much anything else delicious.  SO, feeling sorry for myself at the grocery store, I picked up an innocent-enough looking small paper bag of pre-made rice krispy treats (because as you pointed out earlier, rice krispies do not contain wheat), and the monster was born.  I had about 2 a day each day last week, and now that I have finished the bag, I can think of nothing else.  So I was forced, today, in order to momentarily take my mind off it (not that it did) to admit my addiction by writing it on a post-it.