BaddMinton

It went kind of like this:

We leave work at 3PM and get to the party at around 3:45.  Scan the room, see nothing on the horizon but potentially awkward conversations. Beeline to the open bar.

Quickly throw back a cocktail while making increasingly less and less awkward conversation with various people at the company.  The awkwardness is directly proportional to the amount of beverage left in our respective glasses.

Find a table and sit down. Finish cocktails.  Beeline to bar.  Throw back another.

Realize we haven’t eaten lunch.  Decide to get food.  Beeline to food spread.

Fill plates.  Head back toward table.  Stop midway and collectively admire our food plates.

"Wow, look how beautiful this food looks on my plate."

"Mine, too.  Look, everything’s perfectly arranged."

"I love how my asparagus falls gracefully over the squash."

"Oooh yes, that really is lovely."

"Look at how my bread is arranged in a perfect zig-zag pattern."

"Wow, that is really nice.  Look at how perfect and round this dollop of hummus is."

"Yes, it really is a perfect dollop."

…..

"What are we doing?  Are we drunk?"

"We must be. Let’s eat before we make fools of ourselves."

Later, a bunch of us took turns taking "prom pictures," and I took quite a few photos of the ladies’ room.  All in all, I’d say the party was a success.

A week or so ago, I wrote a post about my lovely beach-side lunch break.  I looked forward to many happy returns, but the joke’s on me, because now that beach is closed because of this.  Grosssss.  It’s only closed temporarily, but it will probably be a long time before I’ll feel OK about walking barefoot on the sand.

All together now:  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Hello, and Happy 2006!  I wanted to write a post today that had something to do with the holidays, since we’ve just gone through T-giving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve without so much as a peep about it on this blog.

BUT, First I must regale you with the details of my fabulous lunch break today.  First, you must know that the temperature reached a sultry 84 degrees Farenheit today, after having been chilly, gray, and rainy for some time, and second, I accidentally went to the beach on my lunch break.  Accidentally because I was looking for Barnes & Noble so I could buy a couple calendars (one planning, one wall) with a gift certificate I got for Christmas.  When I clicked for directions on the B&N website, it told me to drive two minutes down Sepulveda and take a right on Rosecrans, when it should have said to take a left.  So I was driving down Rosecrans for only like one minute, and suddenly, gleaming before me, was the bluest, most beautiful Pacific Ocean ever, and I said to myself, "Self, Screw Barnes & Noble.  I’m going to the beach!"  And I did, and it was so warm and wonderful and the air was so fresh, my heart was filled with joy! I took some pictures for you on my crappy camera phone:

And UGH! I took some much better ones but now they are not on my phone.  Stupid crappy camera phone.  Anyway, I rolled up my jeans and went to get my feet wet, but the waves were huuuuuge, and came rushing up and got my jeans wet.  BUT, it felt fantastic.  Walking back up the hill to my car, I actually felt hot, which I haven’t felt in a long time because my body lacks the natural ability to heat itsef.  It felt so damn good.

On my way back to the office I stopped and got a smoothie at Robex, which until now was my un-favorite smoothie place — I was a JambaJuice snob — but I got the most delicious smoothie ever, called a "Pina Coolada."  Then I returned to work and suggested to my friend and co-worker Rebecca that we should go to Manhattan Beach every day on our lunch breaks and roller skate along the sidewalk.  She was so impressed by my suggestion that she made me this post-it badge and came and stuck it on me:

Now if that doesn’t make for a great lunch break, I don’t know what does!

Today at work, FOUR of us wore the same exact colors, and only those colors.  Burgundy and black.  I mean, it’s not like we wear these colors every day.  I, for one, haven’t worn the shirt I wore literally in years, because I had lost it and recently found it in the back of my closet.  Creeeepy.  In this picture, it looks like my shirt is black b/c of my crappy camera phone, but it’s burgundy.

OH, and not too long ago three of us all wore jeans and green/white shirt/jacket combos.  Try to pretend this is a flattering picture of me, and that I don’t look like I have a stubby midget torso, a hunchback and a black eye.  Just use your imagination.

Spooky, huh?

In other news, a muscle in my thigh has been twitching all day, causing me annoyance.  Also, I’m leaving tomorrow morning for San Francisco, where I’ll spend New Year’s Eve for the second year running.  Yippee!

This is likely my last post in 2005, so see you next year!

[11:44] marcymint23: FYI, I just took Advil and Codeine, having already taken 2 Alleve this morning, to try and tranquilize the elves in my uterous that think it’s good fun to rip and tear at my insides.  If you see me behaving strangely or passing out in my chair, can you wake me up? 
[11:44] erin2000: hahaha, yes
[11:44] erin2000: i had that problem on monday.  stupid uterine elves.
[11:45] marcymint23: Gosh, I know!  My uterine elves are SO rambunctious and oblivious to my feelings.

(Screen names have been changed — haha, suckers)

Yesterday was a Frosty Root Beer day.  You may think that is a good thing, but you are unfortunately mistaken. 

A while back my boss sent an email to my department at work asking us to refrain from loudly complaining about our clients after getting off the phone with them.  He said something along the lines of, "If you need to blow off some steam, go into the kitchen with someone, get a frosty root beer, and get it off your chest."  Well, we’re all still making jokes about the frosty root beer comment, and yesterday I needed a frosty root beer like Bob Saget needs a new job that doesn’t involve him trying to be funny.

It started in the car on the way to work.  I was running late, and every lane I chose suddenly became the lane that was completely stopped while cars in all of the other lanes were zooming past me, a-la that scene at the beginning of the movie Office Space. Classic.

I was listening to NPR, which I should never do in a bad mood, and when I heard about the bill congress is trying to pass that involves huge education budget cuts, I got so angry that I could literally feel my blood pressure rising to the level of an old, fat man who smokes 2 packs a day.  It was at this moment that my red light turned green, and the lane next to me began merrily tooling through the green light, while the 3 or 4 cars in front of me just.   sat.    there.   and.   sat.    and.    sat.    and.  sat.    there.  I yelled and moaned in despair and rage, and finally lay on my horn out of dire frustration, and at last, the guy in front decided that yes, he did want to get where he was going, so we could all now proceed through the now-turning-yellow-again light.

At this point in my journey I began to take stock of my situation, and did some analysis as to why I was feeling more irritable than a three-year-old whose 7-year-old brother is repeatedly flicking her in the back of the head, while dangling her favorite doll by its hair just out of reach.  I called up my mental wall calendar, which this month features rainbows and hot air balloons on a sky-blue background with fluffly clouds, all late-70s style.  October’s mental calendar was unicorns on a sparkly night sky, also rather 70s-elicious.  Anyway, I realized that yes, I am in the absolute crux of PMS.  This explains a lot.  However, it seems as though the universe knew that I was already experiencing a monstrous level of irritability yesterday and decided to pick on me like the afore-mentioned 7-year-old big brother, because when I got to work, the annoyance only got worse.

The second client I spoke to was so rude, SO rude, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  She is one of those people who is determined to always be blaming someone for something, and the whole time I talked to her she kept cutting me off and just being an absolute witchy woman.  When I hung up I shouted, "Y’all, I need a frosty root beer SO BAD!"

After that, things slowly began to improve.  I didn’t get a frosty root beer, but I ate some Halloween candy, which made me feel both better and guilty, and later had a delicious lunch, which boosted my spirits considerably. Today has started out much better, and I have high hopes for a Frosty Root Beer-free weekend.  I’ll keep you posted. (Lucky you)!

One of our clients just called my co-worker "hon."  Let it be known that I hate it when strangers call me pet names, especially "sweetheart."  If you are my relative, boyfriend, or good friend, you are welcome to call me whatever you want (with a few exceptions, of course).  If you don’t know me, don’t call me "hon." It is patronizing and barf-inducing. 

marcymint23 (5:15:36 PM): you know what i just remembered?

Erin2000 (5:15:49 PM): hm?

marcymint23 (5:15:50 PM): remember how cabbage patch kids came with names and adoption papers?

Erin2000 (5:15:57 PM): yes

marcymint23 (5:16:26 PM): i had a doll whose name was Meryl, which I didn’t like, so I actually got an official name change from the Cabbage Patch company with a name change certificate, etc. and chnaged her name to Marilyn.

Erin2000 (5:16:41 PM): shut the hell up.  that is HILARIOUS

marcymint23 (5:16:54 PM): can you believe that shit?  i took it so seriously.

Erin2000 (5:17:04 PM): HAHAHAHA

Erin2000 (5:17:11 PM): i can picture myself taking it super seriously too

marcymint23 (5:17:25 PM): there was also a pledge you were supposed to take when you got the doll. you held up your right hand and swore to take care of it, etc. in front of a witness, and i did that too!

Erin2000 (5:17:33 PM): i’m SURE i did that