Babies vs. Puppies
May 12, 2006 at 3:52 pm (Blictures and Blotos)
This is it. The most pressing question of all time: Which is cuter: Babies or Puppies? Personally, I tend to go back and forth, but have historically leaned toward puppies. When I see an extra cute puppy, for example, my voice involuntarily rises approximately two octaves, and squeaking sounds emit from my throat that are so high-pitched, only said puppy can hear them. This does not usually happen with babies to such an extent. However, as soon as I'm confident about puppies' spot in first place, along comes an extra-cute baby to make me re-think things. So, I've decided to let you, the Internet, help me decide. I present here several pieces of evidence, from both sides of the argument.
First, I present to you Exhibit A: Willie. Willie is Jeff's little sister Sage's dog, and… well, I think the evidence speaks for itself:
OK. Pretty cute, right? That's one for the puppies. But… and I have to say, this next picture is going to put babies in a clear lead. Here it comes… May I present: Gareth!
On cue now: "Awwwwwwww!" Gareth is my co-workers Julie & Cliff's baby — the one I bought an adorable dress for when I thought he was going to be a girl. Julie brings him around every morning when she leaves work and Cliff arrives, and each day I try to trick her into leaving without him so I can play with him all day. "Quick! Julie, Fire Alarm! Save yourself; I'll take the baby. You don't hear anything? Weird. Anyway, RUN! RUN!" or "Gareth? Um, Nooooo, this is my baby. I brought him today. What's that? Looks a lot like Gareth? Yes, that is quite a coincidence, isn't it? Oh, I think I may have seen your baby out in your car, or at your house. Maybe you should go look there. You really shouldn't leave a baby alone — you should know that, Julie. Hurry up, now, Go!"
It has yet to work, but I am far from giving up.
So: It's one to one. Puppies and babies are neck and neck.
Ladies and Gentlemen: Professor Chips.
P. Chips is the English Bulldog puppy Jeff had for two days before the breeder called crying, wanting him back because she had fallen in love with him. Because he is the cutest creature ever to have walked the earth. Damn. Looking back, I realize it was probably a good thing Jeff gave him back, for both of us. Not only was Prof. Chips the biggest cock-blocker ever ("Jeff who? GIIIIVVE MEEEEE PUUUPPPPYYYYYYY"), he was so soft and cute he literally gave me a headache. So… Puppies again take the lead. But…. wait until you get a load of this:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! My ovaries are exploding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must begin procreating NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The world needs more cute things like this! I must gobble her up! I must consume this baby at once, with butter and a glass of milk!
Ah… pant, pant, leaning against wall for support, catching breath…. ahem… OK, this is Elanor, the daughter of my lovely friend Joanna. Elanor is one baby who can give Professor Chips a damn good run for his money. Can you even picture this baby and that puppy in the same room together? I can't. I think Earth would be sucked into a black hole, there would be such a concentration of cuteness in one area, and the imbalance would cause the end of the universe and all matter. So basically we have concluded… nothing. Babies and puppies are still tied. They're two for two.
WE INTERRUPT THIS BLENTRY TO BRING YOU BREAKING NEWS. BABIES PULL AHEAD, TAKING CLEAR LEAD.
It looks as though for the time being, at least, babies outshine puppies. Click on this link here and crank up the sound. And don't say I didn't warn you.
Case closed…. for now.
Virginia said,
May 12, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Babies - totally babies!
atkeith said,
May 13, 2006 at 9:42 pm
Close call but I’m going to have to disagree, puppies win in my book and here’s why:
Puppies don’t haver to go to college
Puppies don’t become teenagers
Puppies potty train quicker and you never have to wipe
Well, I don’t know…Elanor sure is cute……
danandrachel said,
May 15, 2006 at 2:48 pm
OMG…you must–absolutely MUST–visit Dogster (www.dogster.com). They have cute doggy pictures every day!!! I actually was thinking of you, when I saw the most adorable picture of a puppy named “Gizmo”. (None as cute as prof. chips, of course, who I hope bites that evil breeder every time she tries to stroke his velveteen ears!…I’m still bitter about that, can you tell?)
Wan said,
May 15, 2006 at 11:32 pm
giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrllllllll, i have to say, best post ever. and i vote puppies. puppies have lots of soft fur and those widdle bitty paws that make the little squooshy wooshy and the cutey patootie with the widdle bittle iddle ickle itty monkey cute cute. and they look at you like they love you, even if dogs are or aren’t capable of the human “love” emotion. okay, i have to go soak my head. mr. chips gave me a headache.
joanna said,
May 18, 2006 at 7:17 am
ok, well, seeing as i am the mother of that unbelievably adorable, ice cream devouring baby girl, i have to cast my vote: babies. after they potty train and get out of teenager-hood and graduate from college…they’re still here! and when i’m old and grey and shrivled and surrounded by my kids and their kids and talking with that baby girl like a real, adult friend (because that’s suddenly what she’d become!), i won’t even remember my dead dog’s name, except to recall how wonderfully he’s fertilizing the flowers i planted with elanor and evelyn…as we swing in the hammock in the backyard and recall conversations we’ve had, from “mommie, see doggie? yook! yook!” (translation: “look, look”), to conversations about how much Jesus loves her, to conversations about that boy who makes her feel all funny inside, to conversations about where she should go to college, about marriage, about how she can ever survive the tantrums her toddler throws…..
ok, sorry that may be morbid about the whole “fertilizer” thing…but the spot where we buried moo-moo, our dead cat, is really undeniably, extrordinarily lush and green.
wow! my first post! and…it’s really long…ok…ending now…
ps i love you marcy.
Regina said,
September 29, 2006 at 6:41 pm
I can’t believe this!!! I was just googling the name “Professor Chips,” because it’s MY puppy’s name and I was trying to prove to my boyfriend that there could be an actual professor with the last name Chips. Imagine my surprise when I stumble upon someone who came up with the exact same, very unusual puppy name!
Lisa said,
November 5, 2006 at 7:44 pm
HAHAHA! you are too funny. I stumbled across this pic when I was looking up English Bulldogs. Keep posting!!!
Bulldog pup photo shortage rocks Silicon Valley [Recap] »TechAddress said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:55 pm
[...] Valleywag has been forced to outsource to Professor Chips (above), winner of last year’s Babies vs Puppies showdown. After a week where the big stories were Larry Page planting one on new bride Lucy [...]
We’re at Moose’s, drunkblogging live [Boozer-Generated Content] »TechAddress said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:00 pm
[...] Valleywag has been forced to outsource to Professor Chips (above), winner of last year’s Babies vs Puppies showdown. After a week where the big stories were Larry Page planting one on new bride Lucy [...]